Textbook Cynic

I've actually looked it up @ www.dictionary.com. I've seen textbook. I've seen cynic. And yet I'm still struggling with the thought.

I was told I try hard. Too hard to be cynical. But I speak it. Write about it. Think the "Other Way" And yet I still do not pass for such.

Give me a break Life bitches a lot. And I'm the girl who walks in the rain like its sunshine. Who makes lemons - to go with tequila (hehe). Who believes in trying and trying until it feels good... Until such time that the trying becomes tiring. Therefore, the cynicism. Albeit I'm not used to being seen or heard this way, this is just what I'm wearing now. However trying-hard it may seem. I know I don't have the gutts and the heart to be cynical. Beyond my spiteful words and acid-tongue, there really is no negative bone. So I guess it's like wit, textbook wit. It's there but not really there. Like my cynicism.

It's just that You know sometimes you gotta have these sardonic and reclusive moods. And pretend to be cynical. --To protect yourself. To nurse your pains (temporarily) To shield you from vulnerability. Forget failure, forget that you weren't enough, that you didn't deserve shit and yet it's in your face. Times could be really miserable. And these are the days when your face hurts when you smile.
Anyone who knows me the very least would have the sense to ignore my pessimistic phase and give me chocolates.:)

Tomorrow could be different, not better, just different (*wink)