EXs

How do you feel when your ex got married? got a kid? got a girlfriend? How about if all your ex's were? At least the ones who mattered, or those you remember. What if some of your ex's are friends now? Can one person be guilty of all that I just said?

Ex's. I hate ex's. And the ex's of my ex's. I honestly get insecure with those past relationships. But I'm also somebody's ex. Don't you just feel sad when they get over you? There's this teeny weeny lil stab in the heart when you hear of their new girlfriends. Admit it or not. 'Coz sometimes deep inside you're not actually over them. You're just not willing to stay so you wait for something better, like your fairy godmother hooking you up with a handsome prince. But while waiting, your ex gets over you, so then you have to really finally get over them.

I've ex's of my own. But I'm slightly different, I'm not called hang up queen for nothing. I could always remember the good, like everything's just yesterday. That's bad right? You'll miss them. And you shouldn't. Or is it okay to?

I will blurt it out now. I miss my past. Each of my disastruous relationships, I look back to the moments and arghh why can't I just get the good stuff from each one of those times? If I could just link it together, then my guy would be able to do the following:

1. Write a coded letter and slip it in a book I borrowed from him.
2. Walk under the rain just to bring me a charger.
3. Name my cousin.
4. Excitedly tell everyone we're a couple, while I was still sleeping. (But that's actually tricky)
5. Write me letters everyday.
6. Reserve a stock of chocolait so that he'll have something to give me each time I'm cranky.
7. Wait for my bus for 2 hours in Baguio cold in his shorts and carry my baggage for me.
8. Buy me breakfast and bring it to my bed.
9. Invite me to his family reunion.
10. Invite me to go to church with his family.
11. Talk so proudly of me, his mom would want to adopt me.
12. Drive 8 hours on unfamiliar territory just to greet me on my bday.
13. Introduce himself to my dad and shake his hand.
14. Sing for me.
15. Memorize the 3 words spoken in my dialect.
16. Offer to wash my clothes. (I didn't give in though)
17. Take care of me in my drunk, unattractive, messy self.
18. Tie my shoelaces (I can't seem to tie it properly).
19. Hold my hand so I can take my mind away from my nearly-bursting bladder coz I gotta pee
on a long trip.
20.

I left 20 for all the good memories I can't remember tonight.

Apparently, I'm spoiled. Wait soiled. No spoiled. I guess I didn't date that weird a bunch after all. What can I say I'm a sweet tooth. I'm all for the sweetness. Life has been sweet for me. Might suck now but I'm thinking I'm gonna get on top of the wheel pretty soon. I'd say I've been a good thing in their lives too. For a while they did stay, and I know somehow I gave it a shot. I'm happy with the time that was given me. I thank my ex's for that. I will try my best not to regret. I pray I'll do better next time though. Make it last longer you know. Somebody teach me how...

p.s. what can i say i'm a struggling realist posing as a cynic who is ultimately still an optimist.

Heads up chocoholic